To My Former Friend in Massachusetts: Why I Broke Off Our Friendship
Are you having problems with your bestie?
Relationships are hard, but breakups are torture. While romantic breakups can be heartbreaking, friendship breaks can be just as stressful.
Nobody talks about friend breakups, but they are a very real thing, and while friendships can last forever, they also evolve. As friendships evolve, so does the drama perhaps, but there should be a lot of positivity about a friendship.
Thriveworks.com suggests ways to keep friendships healthy and growing, and this includes happiness, compromise, and forgiveness.
I recently broke off a 20-year friendship over her jealousy. When I tried to address it, she didn't want to talk about it. I tried for one full year to reach out and get together to talk it through, and to get to the crux of what she was so angry about, but she wouldn't let me in. We had 20 years of good times and laughter, but she was too jealous to see what she was doing to our bond.
My family actually interjected and told me to let it go, and that I'd be a lot happier. They were right. I couldn't fix it because she wouldn't talk, so there was no willingness to compromise nor forgive. At that point, I set new boundaries with this former bestie, and I have been so much happier. In fact, she calls me now, not the other way around, so I feel in control.
There were signs it was not a strong friendship. She often made plans with me, then cancelled last minute. She often chose her best friend over me. I considered her my best friend, but I was not her best friend. She also constantly told me I worked too much, or worked too hard, but I had a career, whereas she had a job. There's a difference. I look back and now see all the signs.
Here are some key points about when to break up with a toxic friend, according to PsychologyToday.com.
- You find yourself in competition with the other "best friends".
- There's an imbalance in talk time – all for them and none for you.
- Your friend blurts out criticism with a self-righteous attitude.
- Who calls whom? Do you call them more than they call you? Or are they more demanding of your time and sucking the life out of you?
- Your friend says you need to change.
- You have to be careful of everything you say.
- You're riding an emotional rollercoaster with your friend at the controls.
Other signs of a toxic friendship are lots of drama, negativity, no trust, jealousy, they're unreliable, you feel emotionally drained, the friendship is one-sided, or your friend is extra needy, hostile, gossipy, or plays the victim. These are all warning signs to back away from a friendship that's no longer valuable, so you should consider breaking it off.
Maya Angelo once said,
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option .
Is it time for you to break up with a friend?