Memorial Day Weekend is upon us and most of us will be enjoying a cookout somewhere this weekend. In fact, Memorial Day is second only to the 4th of July for cookouts with nearly 60% of people enjoying grilled food this weekend. I made that statistic up, but it seems plausible. 

Every cookout requires someone to man the grill. According to my research (and we've seen how that works), there are five distinct types of grillers. Some may have elements of two of these, but most will slot fairly easily into one of these categories.

The Life of the Party

You see the grill as an opportunity to host and be the center of attention. You're telling stories, sharing jokes and making sure everybody has burger and a beer. Everyone is done eating? No matter, you'll keep cooking until the charcoal or gas runs out.

The Flipper

You're obsessed with hearing the sizzle of the meat. You might know that a burger only needs to be flipped once, but where is the fun in that? Flip, press, sizzle, and hopefully a woosh of flames. You've finally found an excuse to play with fire, don't let any grilling snobs tell you otherwise!

The Anti-Social


Frankly, you don't even want to be here. You hate the chit chat and try to steer clear of inane small talk. To avoid all that, you task up. You stand by the grill, make eye contact with no one, and use the grill as a prop to look busy. You're not being rude, you're being a provider!

The Professional

Grilling is a science to you. You have very firm opinions about whether one should cook with gas or charcoal. Those steaks on the grill? You picked them up from your favorite butcher and then seasoned and marinated them overnight. Even the hamburgers have a process you're a bit too eager to talk about, but they do taste phenomenal.

The Neglectful

Oh, for shame. You start the grill and then proceed to do everything but check on the food. Hot dogs are blackened beyond redemption and you're lazing by the pool. Smoke is billowing from the grill while you are playing cornhole in the backyard. Inevitably, someone takes over for you and you wander back in time to eat.