A Strong Letter to My Allergies: Stop It Now Before My Head Explodes
I know you are seasonal, and I respect you for that. I think seasonal bursts of anything are usually a good thing.
Here's the thing about that. You create misery, whether you want to or not. I'm not sure which way you're leaning on this, but my guess, based purely on the faces of my friends, family, and co-workers, is that you really don't care as long as you get your way.
Fine. Be a diva. I know your type. You're always craving attention and preventing people from living their best lives.
You want to make sure everyone remembers one of the worst pollens seasons ever with your over-the-top reactions, like runny noses, headaches, scratchy throats, swollen sinuses, and the worst of all, mucus.
I'll give you this. You don't discriminate.
Let me ask you this. What do you get out of it? It's not respect, because everyone I know hates you. It's not pity, because you win every year, whether it's spring or fall. It can't be enjoyment, because who would enjoy making people struggle breathing just because they were too close to cedar mulch, freshly cut grass, or pine pitch-that yellow stuff that gets all over your car. Oh, and then there's goldenrod. Ah-choo!
Then it occurred to me.
You are jealous of Covid-19. Sure, that's it. You're jealous because this new virus has been getting all the attention for two years and you don't know what to do about it.
Well, hallelujah, now that we've figured that out, would you do us a big favor? We will give you plenty of water cooler talk at the office and around the table discussion with the family if you could please ease up a little. You are brutal this year.
You're killin' me, Smalls.
Nobody used that quote for Covid-19. So, you win again.
Your clogged up mess of a human,