Here’s Why I’m Convinced New Hampshire Birds Are Out to Get Me

I'm convinced my life has become either a scene or the whole entire plot of Alfred Hitchcock's 1963 thriller The Birds. Not familiar? In a sentence, it's basically about random birds terrorizing humans in a life-threatening way. Intrigued? Here's the trailer (remember, it's from '63.)

SPOILER: The movie is REALLY slow but I'm sure back in the '60s was a wild ride. Anyway, let's fast forward to present time and why if for whatever reason, Alfred Hitchcock were reincarnated in 2021 and decided to make an update of that flick, I'd be the star. It all stems from this video, which I took one afternoon last week walking back out to my truck after leaving work.

For the record, I would think if I hit some living thing while driving, I would at least hear, or at the very least, FEEL, some kind of thud, right? And I don't recall feeling that AT ALL. Not to mention, I have the most guilty conscience in the world -- I can't even kill an ant without feeling horrible (so, I don't...I usually scoop them up, try not to squish them, and put them down somewhere outside.)

So, the fact that it looks like I could've maybe killed A CARDINAL, like the most beloved bird ever that usually represents people in our lives we've lost? I feel AWFUL. And it can't be anywhere near good juju. And quite honestly, ever since my friend Apryl called me a "Birderer" after seeing that video and saying the birds were out to get me, I'm starting to believe her.

So, you know that stretch of road when you're on 155 in Lee just passed the Mast Way Elementary School where you take a left to stay on 155, or you continue straight onto what I believe is 155A toward Durham? Leading up to that turn, every single time, I'm surrounded by birds. SURROUNDED.

I don't mean just a bird here and there flying around, I mean literally similar to the situation in the trailer of the Hitchcock movie above. And they're not just flying around me, either -- it's almost like they're waiting for me in the middle of the road. Taunting me. Daring me to do it again, only to fly away at the last second. Or they just straight-up dive bomb right in front of my truck from one side of the road to the other while I'm driving.

I'm honestly just waiting for some massive hawk, eagle, or crow to perch itself on my windshield wiper while I'm driving some morning and start chipping away at my windshield before inevitably breaking through and getting to me. So, basically, if there's one day where you don't hear me, but you hear silence instead -- I'm somewhere being held captive by the birds, and please send help.